Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Francis proposes six new beatitudes for the modern era

It was only at the beginning of last month (October 1st) that Francis offered a sparse crowd at the Mikheil Meskhi stadium in Tbilisi, Georgia a few newly made-up beatitudes.  Well, it turns out he wasn’t finished.  Like Saint John Paul II, who gave the Novus Ordo church the new Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary, Francis knows better than God and has seen fit in his homily today, at the Swedbank Stadion (a football stadium in Malmö, Sweden), to add six more beatitudes.  We have two suggestions for Francis which would improve his new beatitudes.  First we at Call Me Jorge... suggest he call them Happitudes instead of beatitudes.  This is appropriate as two paragraphs before in his homily he tells us that the saints are happy and the road to this destination is the beatitudes.  So why no cut the middle-man out and just refer to them as Happitudes?

(Feel free to substitute ‘happy’ for ‘blessed’.)
  • “Blessed are those who remain faithful while enduring evils inflicted on them by others, and forgive them from their heart”,
  • “Blessed are those who look into the eyes of the abandoned and marginalized, and show them their closeness”,
  • “Blessed are those who see God in every person, and strive to make others also discover him”,
  • “Blessed are those who protect and care for our common home”,
  • “Blessed are those who renounce their own comfort in order to help others”,
  • “Blessed are those who pray and work for full communion between Christians.”

Our second suggestion is we propose one additional Happitude at least for now.  This Happitude is based off of Francis’ words he gave to his diocese in Rome.

  • Happy are those who commit adultery for theirs is a true marriage.

If any of the readers of this blog think of some Happitudes please feel free to leave them in the comment section below.


  1. Happy are those aren't 'rigid' for they will follow along with everything going.
    Happy are those who make a mess for they will never have to clean it up.
    Happy are those who promote mercy for they can get away with everything.
    Happy are those who believe all religions are equal for they will never offend anyone.
    Happy are those who reject the idolatory of space being greater than time for they are already off this planet.
    Happy are those who shun air conditioners for they will not have to pay big electicity bills in summer.
    Happy are those who embrace the theory of global warming for they are capable of believing anything.

    1. Happy are those who do not criticize for they will not be burdened by truth.
      Happy are those who say “maybe or perhaps” for they will not be rigid.
      Happy are those who compromise for they will contribute to world unity.
      Happy are those who embrace the new for they shall go forward.
      Happy are those who encounter the other for they will be absolute.
      Happy are those who do not speak for they are kind to neighbors.

  2. Happier are those who do not celebrate heretics ,and blasphemers ,and those who spew filth about the Sacred Person of Christ,and try to drag him down to their degenerate level.